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You know, I don't really hate my colleague, she is not my enemy; I am, with my stupid, fractious, recalcitrant head. If the world would disappear, or at least hide, my head would become unmanageable, a light too bright to envisage. No longer tempered by the disgusting corporeal, fettered slick of actuality, it will sink and collapse inwards. So you see my self hatred is my reason for living, writing and loving. Love in reality must contain the facets of laughter, pain and a willed destruction of the Other, you will disagree and necessarily so do I, but that doesn't hide your/my true desire. We exist only in antagonism to things that threaten, without which we/I lose. I lose. Draw them close, breathe their used up particles,  lash out, embrace, cry, love. Pretend it never happened.